“Too Many Beautiful Single Women”.

“As I look around on this Mother’s Day weekend, I recognize, on television, at work and social functions, more and more BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL women (mainly Black women) who are still without a spouse or children – you notice it a lot in a town like Atlanta – and I just wanted to make a quick observation, because I am certainly not an expert on the subject. . . . “

. . . . and that’s how my friend started her adventurous journey.

woman_back_hair-420750_1280Her bold foray into a subject that has the potential to be volatile is much admired. She spotlighted the distressing singular voice of woe echoed by “more and more BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL” women (especially black woman). Her safe disclaimer of not being an expert on the subject duly shielded her, I think, from any unreasonable criticisms and brash conclusions from people with a completely different outlook about such a complex subject. Again I applaud her courage.

With the same disclaimer – for I too, am not an expert – I have to add some other perspective to the inference that the problem lies more on the shoulders of MEN than the women

Yes, there may be a wholesale bashing of women – especially black women – who choose career over marriage, or for even having high (code word for unrealistic) standards. But let’s not overlook the subtle and persistent vilification of men – especially black men, accompanied by a relentless indoctrination that we are dogs, foolish, stupid, and patently egocentric!

Placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of men is too simplistic.Females_walking Some blame yes, but ALL the blame, vehemently NO!  There is enough confusion to go around also afflicting the BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL sistahs. I submit that, these sistahs also don’t know whether “to marry black or white, young or mature, with kids or without, department Head or working at the Department Store”.

I further submit that, there are God-fearing, handsome, educated and successful single men – yes black men too – who are ready to COMMIT, diligently looking for wives – not single women but wives (women who are already wife material), – and the opportunity to become servant leaders in their families and communities.

For me the root of this problem is SIN first and its consequences! It is not just a men or the women issue. The human tendency is to spotlight certain people and misbehaviors that seem worst than others. Rather, the focus should be on the underlying condition of evil or sinfulness that leaves us all morally and spiritually vulnerable to misbehavior. The blame needs to be shared first by both genders. We need to resist the temptation to cast blame and begin by looking at ourselves first. The enemy is within and, is US! There are enough casualties from both camps – men and women, black or otherwise.

The place of recovery, redemption and renewal will begin when we boldly face our fears, ruthlessly deal with our warped views of each other, submit totally to ego-death, and collectively commit to advancing God’s agenda in our time.

Finally, maybe the men need to step up and show that not all of us define ourselves by six-figure salaries or are lulled to complacency by the sea of abundant BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL sistahs. I’m convinced there are men out there who understand that perfection is a mirage, and are looking for their God-fearing queens, for a till-death-do-us-part companionship, to multiply and have dominion among other things.

In the meantime, the prolific seeds keep calling forth in the loins of both genders as we agitate and squander valuable time on shadow boxing!!! Agreed, we need strong families, but it will take both MEN and WOMEN to step up!

And , oh. . . . .

To all the BEAUTIFUL mothers . . . . . mothers to be. . . and all variations of motherhood, may this be your best Mother’s Day yet! Happy Mother’s Day!!!!


Why do you think there are so many single women than there are single men?

One Thought to ““Too Many Beautiful Single Women”.”

  1. Andi

    My reply is simple: Whatever we focus on, will manifest! If a man keeps his vision trained on the ‘sistah’s’ who miss the golden-hearted ‘brotha’ ISO the six-figure earner, she will keep showing up in his life as a main attraction. The woman in his periphery though, will love her man in the light and dark, is willing to walk the walk through the fire with him, plan and build or re-build empires with him, wipe his brow as he digs wells, cheerlead him to keep digging until he hits water, massage away his heart and body aches at the end of the day, challenge him to stay on the cutting edge, be truthful to him even when it hurts, AND most importantly, go to battle with him in His service!

    There are PLENTY of men who’d rather have a temporary romp with a ‘sistah’ with sewn in waist-length hair, removable lashes and nails, stenciled on eyebrows and plastic fantasy body parts. He’s always held a special place near and dear to my heart….he lives permanently in my “objects in the mirror are closer than they seem,” file! This man, having a third balcony view in my reality, has allowed me to be blessed with AWESOME men…..Elijah, my BFF since 7th grade, who, from his calloused, construction-working hands, on several occasions, voluntarily handed me half of his paycheck so that I didn’t have to choose between finishing school and paying my bills. Then there’s my beloved 90 year-old Uncle Leo, who helped to raise me when my parents divorced. He was always present for several ‘elder council’ meetings and interventions that shaped my life. The list is endless, because my exposore to and belief in great men is UNSHAKABLE!

    Media and other unscrupulous enemies have trained us to look in the wrong places for the possible “one”. My life experiences, both joyous and deeply painful, have taught me though, to keep looking to my heart – my true God center, for all my real answers.

    With love, I encourage all to develop and sustain a real and permanent relationship with your center of truth.

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