“As I look around on this Mother’s Day weekend, I recognize, on television, at work and social functions, more and more BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL women (mainly Black women) who are still without a spouse or children – you notice it a lot in a town like Atlanta – and I just wanted to make a quick observation, because I am certainly not an expert on the subject. . . . “
. . . . and that’s how my friend started her adventurous journey.
Her bold foray into a subject that has the potential to be volatile is much admired. She spotlighted the distressing singular voice of woe echoed by “more and more BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL” women (especially black woman). Her safe disclaimer of not being an expert on the subject duly shielded her, I think, from any unreasonable criticisms and brash conclusions from people with a completely different outlook about such a complex subject. Again I applaud her courage.
With the same disclaimer – for I too, am not an expert – I have to add some other perspective to the inference that the problem lies more on the shoulders of MEN than the women
Yes, there may be a wholesale bashing of women – especially black women – who choose career over marriage, or for even having high (code word for unrealistic) standards. But let’s not overlook the subtle and persistent vilification of men – especially black men, accompanied by a relentless indoctrination that we are dogs, foolish, stupid, and patently egocentric!
Placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of men is too simplistic. Some blame yes, but ALL the blame, vehemently NO! There is enough confusion to go around also afflicting the BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL sistahs. I submit that, these sistahs also don’t know whether “to marry black or white, young or mature, with kids or without, department Head or working at the Department Store”.
I further submit that, there are God-fearing, handsome, educated and successful single men – yes black men too – who are ready to COMMIT, diligently looking for wives – not single women but wives (women who are already wife material), – and the opportunity to become servant leaders in their families and communities.
For me the root of this problem is SIN first and its consequences! It is not just a men or the women issue. The human tendency is to spotlight certain people and misbehaviors that seem worst than others. Rather, the focus should be on the underlying condition of evil or sinfulness that leaves us all morally and spiritually vulnerable to misbehavior. The blame needs to be shared first by both genders. We need to resist the temptation to cast blame and begin by looking at ourselves first. The enemy is within and, is US! There are enough casualties from both camps – men and women, black or otherwise.
The place of recovery, redemption and renewal will begin when we boldly face our fears, ruthlessly deal with our warped views of each other, submit totally to ego-death, and collectively commit to advancing God’s agenda in our time.
Finally, maybe the men need to step up and show that not all of us define ourselves by six-figure salaries or are lulled to complacency by the sea of abundant BEAUTIFUL, EDUCATED, SUCCESSFUL sistahs. I’m convinced there are men out there who understand that perfection is a mirage, and are looking for their God-fearing queens, for a till-death-do-us-part companionship, to multiply and have dominion among other things.
In the meantime, the prolific seeds keep calling forth in the loins of both genders as we agitate and squander valuable time on shadow boxing!!! Agreed, we need strong families, but it will take both MEN and WOMEN to step up!
And , oh. . . . .
To all the BEAUTIFUL mothers . . . . . mothers to be. . . and all variations of motherhood, may this be your best Mother’s Day yet! Happy Mother’s Day!!!!
Why do you think there are so many single women than there are single men?